Saturday, August 19, 2006

That Look in their Eye


In the past year or two, 12 or so of my mommy friends have moved away from Astoria to various parts of the country, mostly west of the Mississippi River. I have sat here at my vantage point here in the city and watched these women reach the end of the road (or the end of their rope) with "city-life". Two of them gave up when they found they were expecting twins. They get this look in their eye. Sometimes it is before they announce that they are moving, other times it's after. When I see it before the announcement, I get nervous, I think: Uh-oh, I'm about to lose another one.

Then there are the moms that move in. At first they have a similar (but different) look that says: "Wow. So. This is my life now." Or they have this look: "Wow. A new adventure. I am so excited to try this out." And then I watch the evolution of their New York Experience. Elation can turn into frustration can turn into depression can turn into joy. Everyone's path is different, but when it is coming to an end, the bad stuff about New York becomes really bad for them.

My friend can tell you the exact amount of days she has until she moves away from Astoria. She has about 10 months to go, and she is done, over it, finished. Her bike got stolen recently and that was the last straw. Another of my friends is expecting her second, and in the heat without a car and toting a two-year-old is over it. Another of my friends has been challenged by no hot water for a week. I hope she is not over it, because she's gonna be here for a while.

I have BAD days in NYC. For sure. (locked out of apartment, torrential downpours, pigeon poop, penis flashers, crazy turban woman grab my hair, obscenities, the list goes on) But I never want to move away. I never get that look in my eye. And I think what I have learned from my friends is that if I ever DO get that look, that I need to take action as soon as possible and start anew somewhere else. I just can't imagine when I would get that look and where that might be.

So for now I will just take my friends as they come and go, and try to sap out all I can from them while they are in my life, in case they get "that look", and leave me.

2 comments:

trimama said...

Another great post.....I love living in cities, but I think something changes when you have kids...All of a sudden you feel such responsibility to keep the safe and the city seems so overwhelming...

My dh gave me great advice when I started to resent the daily obstacles of SF...He said that I could either enjoy now or regret that I never took the time to love what SF had to offer...

It was great advice and I truly loved our time in SF, but new when it was time to leave and feel blessed that I have fond memories...

chloe said...

I was one of those friends that up and left. I have to say that you were pretty understanding and supportive. Not THRILLED, but you didn't toss me out the window which I appreciated.

And hey, it's been 2 years since I pulled up roots in NYC and we're still great friends :)