She started spiraling the night before. She was feeling completely smothered by the mere teeny tiny thought of Thursday, so she just decided to go to bed to put herself out of her misery. She didn't even watch the Season Premiere of Project Runway.
She woke up Thursday morning with no change. She could not possibly drag herself out of bed to do the morning workout. She just slept as long as she possibly could. And then....it was time to face Thursday.
She had made plans a week ago to take the girls to the zoo with Heather and Fi. She even confirmed the night before and responded to a time-change email a few hours before they were meant to head out. All the while, feeling heavily overwhelmed by the zoo. She knew that this feeling did not make sense, and yet she still had the feeling. Finally she just called her friend and explained in probably less than 5 words that it was just too much. Her friend did not need an explanation, an excuse, an apology, a promise of future zoo visits, she just got it. She let her completely off the hook with no guilt no nothing, and she could suddenly breathe again.
She knew and her friend understood it wasn't about the zoo, it was just about the inability to cope. They both knew it was temporary, it would pass, but not necessarily in time for the zoo that day. She was so grateful to her friend.
So, she just stayed in her bathrobe for a few more hours. She managed to get through violin practice, which was a miracle, and then she had slowly shifted into having the ability to cope with THE AFTERNOON.
She slowly got ready to go, organized the swim-lesson bag, picked what songs she would sing for the audition, and she was able to put one foot in front of the other. She even felt even, and dare she admit it....NOT like she wanted to just stay curled up in a ball in her bed the entire day. She felt okay about THE AFTERNOON, and even ok with the 90 degree heat. The second miracle was that she didn't even sweat on the way to Times Square.
She was #2 to sing. The girls shared the buds and listened to the Little Mermaid on her ipod and sat with an audition friend. They were pretty good. She sang well...two songs...and the casting directors conversed with her, about her audition, her past experiences, her singing abilities, her dancing abilities. She felt it was her best audition in a long time. She did not feel nervous at all, something that is completely inhibited by the new meds. She left feeling almost like a high...only not so much, cause again, those darn meds just keep those highs bridled JUST right of nuetral. RATS.