I had a grand mal seizure.
Half a year ago...a season ago...180ish days ago...
At the beginning of 2008 I pictured Big Sis starting 1st grade with Lil Sis and my swollen belly accompanying her. I pictured nesting and making a space for a new life somewhere in my tiny home. I pictured giving up work and focusing a little more on family, and taking a final step in embracing motherhood.
The year was going to be fruitful and prosperous and a blessing.
And then I woke up on top of my clean laundry on my bed disoriented and in pain and after a few days, the fantasy 2008 was replaced with terror, relief and reality. My family and friends held their breath when we got word that my brain was acting up, and as everyone around me collectively sighed with the news that it was just epilepsy, my soul took a sharp breath in as my dreams and hopes for 2008 dissolved.
So the past 6 months have been a journey. I have been supported by friends, family, bloggers, colleagues, congregation members and strangers. I have told my story and been grateful to those who will listen. I have met my deductible! I have felt a unique breed of fear and exercised a new part of my will: "Just get from point A to point B without falling on your head." My perspective on disabilities and brain medication has been completely altered. I have a new understanding for a certain human struggle that I never would have known otherwise. I have been rooted in the true, authentic present for the first time in my life. I have become even more grateful for another day of living. I have mourned what would have been and rejoiced in what is.
And I cannot think of another year that equals this one in fruitful, prosperous blessings.