Friday, September 05, 2008

6 Months Ago Today...

I had a grand mal seizure.

Half a year ago...a season ago...180ish days ago...

At the beginning of 2008 I pictured Big Sis starting 1st grade with Lil Sis and my swollen belly accompanying her. I pictured nesting and making a space for a new life somewhere in my tiny home. I pictured giving up work and focusing a little more on family, and taking a final step in embracing motherhood.

The year was going to be fruitful and prosperous and a blessing.

And then I woke up on top of my clean laundry on my bed disoriented and in pain and after a few days, the fantasy 2008 was replaced with terror, relief and reality. My family and friends held their breath when we got word that my brain was acting up, and as everyone around me collectively sighed with the news that it was just epilepsy, my soul took a sharp breath in as my dreams and hopes for 2008 dissolved.

So the past 6 months have been a journey. I have been supported by friends, family, bloggers, colleagues, congregation members and strangers. I have told my story and been grateful to those who will listen. I have met my deductible! I have felt a unique breed of fear and exercised a new part of my will: "Just get from point A to point B without falling on your head." My perspective on disabilities and brain medication has been completely altered. I have a new understanding for a certain human struggle that I never would have known otherwise. I have been rooted in the true, authentic present for the first time in my life. I have become even more grateful for another day of living. I have mourned what would have been and rejoiced in what is.

And I cannot think of another year that equals this one in fruitful, prosperous blessings.


9 comments:

Chloe said...

This was exactly what I needed to read tonight.

And I am so proud of you :)

Laura said...

This post really moved me. You have been through so much. I have had the experience of life not working out how I planned (and its very hard). I am a planner. Usually as time passes a better plan reveals itself. One I could never have made for myself. I hope that for you as you continue to endure with grace!

Lisa said...

There are many that are on this journey with you. Love you.

TftCarrie said...

I hope you know we all realize that it's more than "just" epilepsy. But back then, the alternatives were so much worse! Wish I were closer during the bad times (as well as the good!)

beth said...

Such a heartfelt post. I always say this, but I think you are so strong. Can't imagine handling all of this.... it's a lot to have on your plate. I hope you give yourself a lot of "me" time (whenever possible).

DTA said...

Thanks for putting words to your experience and feelings. I am so proud of you and your family.

All my love,

DAD

nowlze said...

you've come along way, kage. this book i am reading (_momma zen_ by karen kaezen miller--it's amazing) has a quote i copied:

"it is enough just to live the life in front of you."

Janet said...

You are so strong. It has been difficult with all that you have gone through. Our prayers are still with you. Wish we were seeing you and the girls with Jason next weekend.

Love, Janet

Catherine said...

great post Kristy.......even though we've never "met" in person, I just want to say I am proud of you! You've come a long way in these past 6 months.....my sil had a seizure a month or two after yours, and she is on the "wacky" meds too......keep feeling good and enjoying your family.......

catherine & paige in Orlando!