Thursday, April 23, 2009

Third Person Thursday

She walked through Central Park holding her daughters hand.

She was carrying a few heavy bags. She had been outside in the pollen for hours that day. Her allergies didn't bother her at all. What? She pulled out her kleenex only a few times. She had just been surrounded by moms, friends, kids who cared enough about her daughter to come out and play for a few hours, and celebrate her mere existence.

She rested, conversed, took some photos, laughed. She felt engaged. Present. She was calm. Relaxed. She had fun.

It wasn't a fight to crawl over the obstacles just to be able to stand there. She was open, free, there. She was there.

As she left the park, she thought: I think I might be a good mom again.

Her older daughter had talked with her lately about some of her feelings, her perceptions of what her mom thought of her. "Ever since Lolly turned 3..." She thought (1 month after I bumped my head...I dissappeared--I wasn't there for her).

Her younger daughter has been described as tough, spirited, strong-willed, a nut. She has acted out in her own unique challenging way.

She can now see how her deep, inner struggles have affected her daughters. She is choosing not to live in that guilt and shame, but to try to fix it. She wants healing. She wants progress, she wants to strengthen their relationships. This is how she can continue to be a good mom. She has hope. She thinks she might try to tuck away a few dollars for their therapy fund. Just in case.

4 comments:

Gedde Adventures said...

Kage, I am so struggling with some stuff right now w/ my kids. (I have two and my oldest is Lolly's age)Eventhough I didn't have a head bump, I still have had some struggles, and I am so thankful for this post, especially on this day. I am going to strive in the same direction you are. What a blessing you are.
Thank you for these words today.

Ashley said...

That's so true that we can't focus on what we've done wrong with our kids but instead work on fixing things now. That's where I'm at with my oldest, too. I dealt with some things a couple years ago (after my son was born) that has affected my daughter. Instead of being upset at what I've done, I have been focusing more on just being the best mom now and I can already see a difference in her behavior.

nowlze said...

you ARE a fantastic mom, kage. your girls are as lucky to have you as you are to have them. thanks so much for the post...i am starting to feel a little more "present" myself and it's good stuff. onward, always. :)

Abbe said...

In your Runway Mom's episode you talk about the conscious choice to be a "super mom." That scene with your heartfelt comments often comes to my mind. I believe our choices are pivotal - meaning we DO have the power to choose. And you, my friend, are an example to me. (I think I'll blog about you tomorrow!)