Friday, August 21, 2009


The pool.

I love when people do things in unison. 7th Inning Stretch, Praying, a 5K...

Swimming together, I do not love.

And this is why:

As I prepare for the pool I first check myself to see if everything is properly shaved, then I pick out which unflattering suit I am going to put on, then which cover-up I can use to... cover. it. up. Then I have to put on the sunscreen. Everywhere. And it smells, its greasy and I know that I will have to reapply it in an hour or 2.

Repeat twice with the Posse.

As I drive to the pool I think about all of the other unflattering bathing suits that will inevitably show up, the hair on everyone else that will remain unshaved, the wide array of tattoos (Today's winner: Only God Judges Me). I think about STD's, menstrual periods, pee in the pool, poo hiding in kids butts (including my own kids), yeast infections, floating band-aids, dead bugs, tree debris (after a storm), strong (it better be) chlorine, bedbugs, lice, and my kids inability to swim...water in my ears.

And then as I remove my flip-flops and walk barefoot on the fungal, bacteria-laden, feet-from-all-over-Queens-have-walked-this, deck, the giant SWITCH in my brain is turned to the off position, and I get in the pool.

Yesterday I found a spot with a very strong spray. I massaged my feet one after the other for quite a while. Then I got hot, and remembered why I hate the pool. Heat, heat, and more heat, wondering if my sunscreen is working, if the kid's sunscreen is working, and then my thoughts are interrupted by a kid jumping in RIGHT next to where I am sitting---really? It's an Olympic-size this exact scenario repeats over and over, I turn the irritated switch off, because, I get's a pool, kids are going to jump in...ok...ok...

And then I lose site of Lolly and I immediately watch for kids under the water drowning and every time I see a body under, lingering for a few seconds my heart leaps into my throat, and after 3 of those and 3 "calm-down-you'll-find-her" talks, the mom next to me who I have recruited to look, finds her. And then I am just pissed at the dumb kid who distracted me in the first place with guess what question:

"Why are you afraid to get in?"

"I'm not afraid. I just don't like the pool."

"Why don't you like the pool?"

"I just don't."


Then, as I find my not-drowned child, she has moved in and stolen my foot-massager.

But. My kids had such a great time. In the pool, they move in different ways, testing their strength, spreading their limbs, inventing games, performing magic, taking risks. And they are joyful, confident, expressive. I feel so glad that I gave them a few hours in the pool today, and so bad that I gave them my butt, but! at this age, theirs are still cute.

YES, I still hate the pool.


Lisa said...

This is in your gene pool.

Catherine said...

I am right there with you on this Kristy! but I will glady swap bodies with you if you REALLY want to find a suit that barely covers up all IT. ALL. :) Paige LOVES the pool......I go with her 9:00a to 9:30a, any later your skin will burn off in Orlando!
How do you feel about water parks? Me: HATE them!

hdknowles said...

I'm guessing then, that you wouldn't want to vacation at Great Wolfe Lodge? On another note, have you tried Aveeno 55 sun block - not greasy at all and dematologist recommended.

HHRose said...

LMBUTTO! (Get it? Butt!)

Rhonda said...

This is so funny! And I agree about the kid that always has to jump in right next to you - what is that all about?!

margo said...

I totally agree about the pool...but that's why I love isolated beaches under swaying palm trees. (guess there's not many of those in nyc) But I also love Australian Gold sunscreen feels totally dry and smells Wonderful!